In the past few weeks, I’ve been under a lot of stress trying to figure out what direction to take my business, bringing independent contractors on board, attempting to get my shit in order for the inevitable offspring in the coming month, and generally operating as one does at 8 months pregnant – i.e. not exactly at peak performance. That and by this point, I’ve had so many doctors’ hands up in my ladyparts any sense of modesty I once had has effectively been eliminated.

It’s been frustrating, but it’s also been insanely rewarding.

(Here’s the long version.) The short version of what’s been going on?

Well, I unintentionally started a marketing agency. (No, seriously.) I hit max capacity with client work (and then some). I started working with local clients (something I’d been dying to do). And the best, biggest news?

I traded it in for a killer job.

Really. And I’m excited as hell.

But I had this problem. What was I supposed to say about what I did now? Sure, I was getting paid by someone else, but it wasn’t like a real job. Well, I guess it kind of was, but it didn’t feel like it. More like an un-job.

And I mean, didn’t I always get paid by someone else? It’s not like I was just manifesting money out of thin air? My income was coming from my (mostly) service-based business. I just got paid by a handful of different people. Now, I only had to worry about one of them paying me on time to pay rent! That’s a win in my book.

Anyway, all of these conflicting thoughts boiled down to a few realizations.

Too many people in the online space are operating on assumptions like:

• You either work for yourself or someone else.
• Marketing can only be done one way – and it’s by using a proven sales funnel, mega launches, pop-ups, and tactics that make anyone not in sales feel like they need a shower.
• You have to grow an empire – anything less is settling.

Moving beyond assumptions

Talking to Charlie the other day, he mentioned how many online entrepreneurs are duplicating effort, spinning in circles, and really not accomplishing all that much.

And it’s true. How much hype and “awesome” and whatnot do you see flying through your social media streams everyday? So much creation is happening in a vacuum. Infoproducts are (mostly) a small change game. Only a handful people will ever make loads of money doing it. Affiliate marketing isn’t for everyone (and very few people are any good at it since they don’t bother to learn how). Service-based businesses are looked down upon because they aren’t (always) scalable.

I’m not saying any of these people and businesses are doing anything wrong. Far from it. Many of these same entrepreneurs are friends and colleagues who I really respect. And for the ones with a huge, audacious, incredible mission, I’m totally there. Like Kristen and Shannon. They’ve got crazy amazing shit going on. So does Elisa. That’s why we all care and like to feel like a part of the journey. Anyone who can make a business and a living out of their passions and a website has done something worthy.

The problem here is the imbalance. There is a massive focus on one way of doing things.

It’s a man’s world

You may notice it’s male dominated, based in the “Crush It” mindset, and can often sound like a slightly different version of Tim Ferriss.

(Often, it’s also afraid of commitment, idolizes bachelorhood, and makes bizarre choices like discussing in public getting vasectomies that can be reversed later because having to wear a condom would absolutely ruin their perfect lifestyle. And I wish I were joking.)

Welcome to lifestyle design, where anyone (assuming you’re a salesman) can make a fantastic living (assuming you can build a tribe, network, and products that accept playing off of customer insecurity and uncertainty as a way to make money) anywhere in the world (assuming you have no desire to put down roots anywhere that doesn’t have a weaker currency than the dollar)!

There is a big set of problems here no one wants to discuss – because keeping customers uncertain of anything other than the idea that they need you to be their guru is a time-honored marketing tactic. Never mind ethics or building up your customers to a point where they either don’t need you or you can offer something better to further help them. It’s why so many sales pages are so disrespectful and why pop-ups reign supreme. (Stop clicking them, by the way, if nothing else to protest them being there at all.)

What I wanted to be when I grew up

Quick back story: When I was in high school, I always HATED taking that stupid career test because every single time, I’d get the same top job, even if I changed my answers – Marketing Director.

It made me cringe. I’d never sell my soul like that! Becoming someone who sells people shit they don’t need for ridiculous amounts of money? That was corporate, unethical, and frankly made me feel gross to even think about.

Well, it turns out I love marketing. And I’m really, really good at it. I sell without meaning to, and when I love something, I’m an evangelist. My perception of what marketing is has developed and grown, and now I know I have a choice. I could be one of those skeezy marketers who uses a generic sales page format because it sells – even though that means I’m taking advantage of people, ignoring my values, and otherwise being a douche.

Or, I could do it better. I could sell something I believed in to people who needed it and would use it. I could be a part of something bigger than just me. (This is an obvious problem in lifestyle brands who insist on keeping it all about them. It’s also an impressive way of capping your income and trying to ward off insecurity that your business could grow into something more and not just be about you.)

So what are the options then for someone who isn’t naturally gifted in sales? Or networking? Or whatever your weak spot is? What if you don’t want an empire?

Perhaps – dare I say it – lifestyle businesses aren’t for everyone.

Yes, the traditional employment model is broken. But what about the work environment that’s enjoyable and has a real, live team behind it? Not every job ever sucks. And they shouldn’t.

But you know what does suck? Enjoying being around people and working in isolation. Playing down your strengths in the name of creating an imitation of someone else’s idea of the ideal lifestyle.

Know what else sucks? Labels. Can’t live with ‘em, and can’t describe shit without ‘em. So, friend, what the hell do you call someone who is making a partial income one way and working for others for another part of it? The fact is entrepreneur or solopreneur or freelancer or moonlighter isn’t the right word. It doesn’t do anyone justice or honor what they do.

It’s not an either/or argument anymore. This has turned into an “and” moment for us to embrace.

Labels suck, but guess what? We’re human, and it’s how we’re wired.

At this point, I’d put money on anyone reading this knowing only having one income stream is ignorant. I’ll even wager that’s why so many of us struggle to talk about exactly what it is we do.

It’s not that we’re a bunch of generalists, though that is often a part of it – it’s that we are creating a new paradigm and standard for how (and why) people work. We don’t just do one thing to pay the bills – and that is a very good thing.

So what happens if we stop playing by established rules – even recent ones we’ve tried to construct for ourselves in the name of an anti-status quo? Instead of forcing ourselves into a solopreneur role as the only alternative, why don’t we utilize all of our strengths? Each of us is a unique, boundless resource, and we are so much more powerful when we band together. We can create real community.

That sounds so kumbaya, but it’s true.

Work your strengths

Until a few weeks ago, I’ve felt myself suppressing my inherent desire to network in the name of productivity and getting things done. Well, sure. I can’t talk all the time. At the same time, though…

What the hell am I thinking?!

Trying to keep myself from making new friends and connections and talking with interesting, amazing people is like trying to cut coffee out of my diet. I could – but myself and everyone around me will be much happier if I don’t.

Sure, you can’t be having fun and chatting all the time, but my entire business since day one has been based on referrals. I am great with people, and I sell myself without meaning to. (Err, right. Moving on.) It’s part of who I am. It makes sense for me to keep up this sort of activity, especially when I can get paid to do it while other people cover shit I hate wasting my time on like web design. It means we ALL make more money.

It’s not just about the money, either. Maybe some people thrive working in constant isolation, but I certainly do not. I like people. More than that, there is nothing I like better than feeling like I’m part of a community that cares about me. It’s a pretty basic human need.

Choosing to do it differently means many things. It could mean you grow something worth having like Joshua and Ryan. It might mean you create your perfect career like Jeff. And, just maybe, it means you do something crazy you said you’d never do – like becoming a marketer.

For the past three Monday mornings, I’ve woke up at 6:00am. The clothes, few and thoroughly stretched and stressed to their seams at this point of 38 weeks pregnant, wait for me on top of a small Ikea shelf, laid out with care the night before to avoid waking my partner up. I waddle from one foot to the other into the shower, and thus the morning routine ensues.

Then, it’s onward to the train, a blessed hour spent in dedication to Adele and excellence and practicing my craft to develop a more truthful voice. The sun just begins to peek over the lucid Portland skyline as the train exits the tunnel in a burst of engineered glory and carries each of us to our next anticipated place in the world.

Where am I going? The Congress Center. Like many of the others, I’m on my way to work.

WTF?!

Wait. Pause. Hold up. Wasn’t I just growing a successful, thriving solo-plus venture here at Undefinable You?

Well, yeah.

And wasn’t I convinced anyone bitching about not having a job should make their own?

Yep. (Which I still think.)

And wasn’t I never going to work for anyone else again?

I suppose that depends on how you quantify your work. (You’re always working for somebody, even if it’s just making your editor or audience happy.)

After several stressful months of developing my message for those I wanted to have a conversation with, developing and exploring my values set, and bootstrapping my way in the world, this past December found me in a bind.

Hitting Max Capacity

With more clients than I could handle, outstanding projects with too-close deadlines, no systems in place with how to handle this sudden series of fortunate events, a precocious three-year-old who refusing to let me brush her hair unless I pretended she was Rapunzel, and the impending beachball-sized offspring under my shirt…

Can you say recipe for impending doom?

Balls were dropping and more were threatening to. It was time to make a serious business shift. I was loving what I was doing, sitting pretty in my money shoes, and expanding my horizons faster than . And… I was riding the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy, but with a not so great twist. I could feel my depression starting to come back. There would be days I couldn’t do anything but stay in bed and cry and feel like a completely inadequate human being. I couldn’t handle it for much longer like this.

So I started looking for a business coach. (Hey, smart ass, I’m working on the therapist thing, too. But I knew a big chunk of stress would be alleviated with the right systems in place.) It didn’t take me long to find who I wanted either. Charlie Gilkey.

Hey, Ms. Pro-Female-Empowerment, Why Didn’t You Hire a Woman?

HEY, you Negative Nancy you. How about because it’s my blog and business, so gtfo. (Besides, Charlie’s business is half-woman-owned, veteran-owned, minority-owned, and (em)powered by women.)

I met Charlie back in late May last year at a playdate with the Bakers’ before the World Domination Summit. (Go ahead, be jealous. Portland is a vortex of awesome people. By the way, you should join us. )

After hauling ass for two miles uphill with my daughter in an umbrella stroller to avoid being late, losing my jacket, getting rained out of the park we all met at, and finally retreating back to Moonstruck Chocolates, we all got to chat for an hour. Despite all of the, ahem, setbacks, it was a great meetup, and after following Pam Slim for so long, I was thrilled to get to know the much-discussed Charlie a little better.

After seeing him give a keynote at Sinclair’s event, Profit Catalyst, I was sold. In his keynote on the Business Lifecycle, Charlie gave me the strategic pieces I needed to ramp up my business and take it to the next level. Besides doing just that, I made it very clear in so many words…

“DUDE. I would do freaking ANYTHING to be able to work with you, up to running and getting the coffee and/or grocery shopping.”

Yeah, very eloquent, I know. But I didn’t do a good enough job of scaring them away with my stunning vocabulary and willingness to work as an intern. In September, Charlie and Angela had actually interviewed me to help fill their needs for a content producer. The timing ended up not quite working out for either of us, and the consensus was to put things on hold.

And so we had. And then in December, I put myself on Charlie’s coaching waitlist.

From Freelancing to Fucking Awesome

By the time I decided I needed a business coach, I was already suffering from major overwhelm and the amount of energy privy to one in their third trimester. There was a ton on the table to handle, more coming in, ideas in their delightful infancy not getting the lovin’ they deserved, and oh, you know, that whole maternity leave thing that was looking more and more like an awkward joke at a cocktail party you don’t really think is funny. Minus the cocktail. *bangs head on keyboard*

Anyway. So we had our first session. And… It did not go at all as anticipated. Granted, now that I think about it, I don’t what I was expecting. Basically, we covered 100 miles when I thought we’d cover 15 or 20.

My problem was this. I thought I had one problem – you know, too much business and no idea how to expand. But that wasn’t quite it. I had started taking on more than just copywriting and some light business coaching, you see. People were asking me for websites and full-on marketing campaigns. Albeit they were small, but that’s what they were. Strange as it was to me, I had started attracting a substantial brick-and-mortar based clientele desperate to get online and figure out how the hell to use it. And I was delivering.

So, when Charlie asked if I had intended to start an agency, I had to take a moment to pause.

Holy shit. Had I seriously just started a small marketing agency? What the fuck? Who does that?

Well, apparently I do. At least my inability to keep up made much more sense now.

I had a choice to make.

Keep it a solo venture? Or expand into a team and embrace the agency model?

Now, I’ve long since grown out of wanting a lifestyle business – too little money for the effort. The thing is an agency is lot more time, effort, money, etc. Plus there’s my daughter. And an infant. And start my next book. And lose the baby weight. And start my speaking career. And volunteer. And grow the agency. And attempt to juggle anything else that happens to come my way.

I am not a masochist. Mostly.

I do some crazy shit, but I’ve done this having a baby thing before. It’s fucking hard.

My daughter arrived at the tail end of finals week after a 36-hour labor, rounding out my first quarter in college. December 13th – a Friday, no less, topped off with a freak fourteen inches of snow that forced us to stay an extra night in the hospital. Three weeks later, I was in classes again.

The next several weeks were a blur. Undiagnosed post-partum depression, an impending divorce, working to pass 21 credits worth of classes, keeping the rent paid with various acting and modeling gigs all came down to one thing.

I completely missed most of daughter’s infancy. And I’m not letting that happen again.

How the story ends/begins…

After realizing how not ready I was to devote my time to starting a fledgling agency, I had to change my trajectory. I needed to set some realistic expectations for myself – mind you, that still meant releasing two ebooks and preparing to get one traditionally published, keeping my team, and much more you’ll likely still hear about this year.

But, instead of working with a million different clients, I decided to limit my work to two or three key projects. And that meant, one more time, letting Charlie know how much I wanted Productive Flourishing to be one of those clients.

But Charlie had a better idea.

Long story short? I am now Productive Flourishing’s marketing specialist, doing almost exactly what I was doing solo in a much better context – a community. I am officially employed again – not a spot I expected to be, but I could not be happier. Doing what I love, not worrying about paying rent, AND being part of incredible team?

You bet your ass I’m thrilled.

I’ll tell you more about it soon – and how you can still work with me – but for now, I’m setting up the good ol’ autoresponder and taking some much encouraged maternity leave. I love you all dearly and appreciate your support here at Undefinable You.

Places I didn’t expect to work this weekend: laundromat. Thank you very much, useless broken down dryer. Oh, and Oregon’s perpetual humidity in the winter.

But you really can’t complain when you can still manage to get some work done in the midst of quarters dropping to the ground and barefoot, shrieking kids whose parents seem to have developed an immunity to their lovely children’s fighting and complaints. Also, said mother just threw a pile of blankets half on my lap without apparently noticing. I ‘d love to have that high of a “I don’t give a fuck” level.

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