Hey there,

I’ve officially made the jump to DustiArab.com. This blog was a great learning grounds, and it’s time to move on to a bigger vision.

Here’s to the next big thing,

Dusti

I’m a connector to my core. A true ENFP. I thrive on long conversations, and working with others makes my heart bubble up.

That’s why I don’t mind pointing out things that I don’t jive with. Like when one way of black and white thinking is exchanged for another.

This deserves some back story.

Confession time.

I used to be a hardcore, fundamentalist Baptist bible thumper. Uh huh. I was so good at it. I was a shining example in youth group, active in every event, volunteering, bringing friends, cleaning the church, running VBS because none of the adults would, and on top of it all, I thoroughly ostracized anyone who didn’t think the same way I did.

Yeah, I was a really impressive human being at the time, convinced I knew everything, and that my way of living was right. They was no grey in that world.

And the nice thing about it was how easy it was. I didn’t question. I followed. I did what everyone told me I supposed to.

Until I finally got out of the conservative echo chamber and had my eyes opened to how close-minded the church was, I thought the answers were all sitting in a book.

I imagine many from the corporate world had a similar reaction when they realized there was more to life than a 9-5. (Never worked one, so I can’t speak from experience there.)

I’m not saying every alleged non-conformist is jumping ship to another type of conformity. What I’m suggesting is the messages tossed around in this niche have a tendency to look awfully similar to that experience I had back in church.

Can I get an AMEN? (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

Why the cool kids matter

The thing is, the lifestyles encouraged in books like The Four Hour Work Week and The $100 Startup are based in business ownership – and a fairly particular style of business ownership at that biased against service based businesses. Especially in The $100 Startup, which a great book for accessibility even though it makes it sound far too easy, starting an online platform is a key piece of a low-to-no overhead business.

In an inundated online market, it makes sense to find a niche and establish yourself. However, to get people into your niche, you have to find the people. Where are they? Likely in existing communities. So the next logical step is to gain a foothold in that community.

Now, making a splash in established communities is difficult, because the time, energy, and attention of those business owners is valuable and limited. Hard to get.

So why would you do it? To access and leverage the networks of established, trusted business owners.

Strategic networking is nothing new, and it’s intensely valuable. I’m not claiming this is the only way to start or grow an online business, but it is doubtlessly an effective one.

A quick side note here: Strategic networking is not a bad or sleazy thing. From a connector’s point of view, it’s natural. You don’t even know you’re doing it most of the time. It’s not meant to sound cynical or manipulative – it’s about starting real relationships and growing them. You may or may not do business together, but those relationships are invaluable because knowing brilliant business owners means you’ll both hold each other accountable.

For those starting a business in this manner, suddenly these relationships with key players matter much more. And that is why it’s easy to fall into an echo chamber, where being similar to someone else and making similar choices makes you more relatable and thus a more appropriate colleague.

I hate to burst the bubble here, but it’s all about the marketing and the packaging. It’s about the aspirational version of yourself you see.

When you buy an Apple product, you’re buying it because that’s the type of person you see yourself as. You value beauty, design, and functionality. When you buy a Versalette, you’re buying it because yo used yourself as someone who cares about saving the planet and looking hot while you do it. When you buy organic… The list goes on.

I get it. The above description is the aspirational version of me that I buy with my purchases.

I don’t aspire to world domination. Anywhere else in the world, that’s not something cool. And I understand it’s the branding, traveling the world, yadda yadda, I’m a marketer, and it’s my job to know this stuff. I’m fine not being part of a small army. It’s not geared for me anyway – which is amazing branding because I know that just by glancing at it.

I don’t need to buy non-conformity to reflect the fact that I’m unconventional.

It’s worth repeating this is not an “us versus them” conversation. This is a “make sure you’re actually thinking for yourself” conversation. Especially if you’re a business owner who finds themselves trying to play by a certain set of rules. (Don’t. Learn the frameworks that’ll make it easier instead.)

Before I wrote about WDS, I wanted to give it some space and time.

The afterglow that happened last year for so many meant there were many posts talking about how great the event was, mine included. But no one was going to say anything negative, because it was just so incredible and relieving to be in a room of people like you. So what didn’t get said was the event, well, wasn’t that great when it came to the content. There wasn’t much meat to it. But like I said, no one was going to say anything because we were still all so under the spell of the remarkable network and the almighty woo.

Based on personal experiences, I’m wary of anything that creates disciples rather than tribes. Blind followers who don’t question? Not my thing. That’s why I opted to unconference this year.

There were several posts surrounding WDS talking about feeling left out, and kudos to those people who had the balls to talk about feeling left out. If you’re not already part of the internet famous, it can be hard to make a splash into existing communities. (Which is why you should create your own, but that’s a post later this week.)

But I’ve noticed something I’d like to share with you.

Lots of the cool kids are unhappy

Lifestyle design my ass.

I dearly love many of the people in this group, but they are doing things that are hurting themselves.

Just like people in the thoroughly bashed status quo, they’ve trapped themselves into an existence that isn’t going to give them long term happiness. Instead of creating a legacy, many are living a present-focused, hedonistic lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Hedonistic behavior is something more of us should embrace more often. The problem is when “living for the moment” or “tonight” or whatever is exactly the same problem unhappy status quo types have.

You see where I’m going with this?

Listen to some Top 40. All of it is focused on tonight. Forget everything because all that matters is right now. The only difference is being able to do it all week long versus just the weekend.

Instead of focusing on the lasting impact you have the power to make, lost focus gets drowned in alcohol and one-night stands. Things not going well? Move on to something else. A new destination. Change things up. Change partners. Make the sex more interesting. Cheat on your partner. Ooh, the stories.

Commitment is not a core value here, because attachment and intimacy force you to sacrifice some of those hedonist tendencies. The part of the sentence that gets left off there is that you sacrifice some of them for something so much better.

I don’t want this to turn into yet another “us and them” discussion. What I want is for you to make your own decisions. I want you to own your decisions. I want you to take actions that carry you closer to your dreams. Not the actions that will make someone else pat you on the back.

You don’t need to travel the world.

You don’t need to pull up your roots.

You don’t need to quit your job.

You don’t need to be one of the cool kids.

You don’t need to be internet famous to be happy.

You can be a part of a real life community.

You can travel.

You can create a legacy.

You can have a family.

You can live your life on YOUR terms.

…And if the cool kids don’t approve? They really weren’t your scene anyway, were they?