It’s incredible how the declaration of a project can begin to draw the necessary forces to bring it to life. As I talk Rebel Mama, I really shine as Rebel Mama. I embody it. And yet.

I don’t.

There is so much more to this than me. That’s why I have to do it. This is a massive piece of who I am – the conflicted mother role – but it’s not all of me. It’s not any of us.

We are more than mothers. We are more than wives. How is it that after all of this time we are still not enough because of our sex?

And how can we change this?

The United States is one of four countries in the world without paid maternity leave. This is a travesty. A few other quick facts on motherhood.

• The estimated number of mothers of all ages in the United States: 80.5 million
• Globally less than 40% of infants under six months of age are exclusively breastfed. Adequate breastfeeding support for mothers and families could save many young lives.
• The most important relationship in a child’s life is the attachment to his or her primary caregiver, optimally, the mother. This is due to the fact that this first relationship determines the biological and emotional ‘template’ for all future relationships.

This reaches beyond political platforms. Your wives, sisters, friends – most will be mothers at some point in their lives. And they will have to decide.

Do I stay home with my new baby? Do I give myself the time I need to heal? Do I breastfeed?

And what about those mothers who can’t choose?

Can I afford to stay home with my new baby? Can I afford to give myself time to heal?

What a tragedy.

Concerns

The argument I hear forming already is that against the mythical “welfare mom.”

Because poor women have no right to time to heal or time with their infants? They don’t deserve consideration. Because a woman is poor and likely uneducated, her ability to bring children into the world – which is otherwise considered a blessing – is looked down on as a societal problem.

How many women do you honestly believe don’t want a better life for their children?

And what about those children? What will become of them?

Well, since their mother has no access to healthcare or education or the money she needs to take care of herself and her children, there isn’t much hope.

Confession

During my 2nd year of college, I was on welfare for six months.

That money made a huge difference in mine and my daughter’s quality of life. By the way, do you know what a cash cow welfare is? Oh yeah! We were living the high life there with that $400.

$400. That was enough to cover my portion of the rent and utilities in the tiny, two bedroom apartment I shared with 3 other people. And I was so grateful. Normally, if you’re in college, they won’t give you any help. (Which makes tons of sense, right? You’re in college, which means you must have access to loads of money.) My wonderful case worker found a loop hole so she could help us, because she saw how committed I was to making a better life for my daughter and I.

If it weren’t for that money, I would have had to find a part-time job. I would have seen even less of my daughter, who at the time was eight months old.

And there is nothing I regret more than how much of that first year with her I missed.

More to Come

Periodically, I’m going to touch on the process of writing Rebel Mama, because frankly, I didn’t anticipate having it so much of an effect on me as it has so far.

It’s been incubating since I wrote my first ebook, The Minimalist Mom. I realized the topic I really wanted to write about was bigger than that. It wasn’t about minimalism and motherhood; it was about the assumptions and labels people place on us. Thus, Undefinable You was born.

And then it got more involved. It grew into a business, consulting, selling my writing. Incredible growth.

The more I talked with people, the more I learned how tied up our businesses are in our stories – thus the focus I put on writing “about” pages. At the beginning, I couldn’t get through a branding session without someone crying in the first 15 minutes. My superpower is being able to cut to the heart of the matter rapidly – I put people at ease and they share the deep stuff.

I loved it. The more I learned, the more I connected the dots between the stories we tell ourselves, the ones society tells us, and the heroes’ stories we aspire to and often should be telling. Especially the story of motherhood.

Labels and motherhood PISS ME OFF. Can’t stand ‘em. But, as humans we can’t live without them – categorizing is what we do. I could tell there was something more to this line of thought. Motherhood, feminism, stories, cultural narratives.

I thought this was just going to be side project, a marketing experiment, the jumping off point for my career as a writer in the traditional publishing world should I want it… But once I started working on it, I realized how much bigger than me it was.

Now, I’m rethinking the scope of it.

When I was writing this week, I burst into tears. I realized I was writing my future TED talk. MY future political career. (Thinking the Senate, but we’ll see.) It’s THE mission. I never thought I really had one.

Now, I want to gather a tribe around the idea that there is an alternative to status-quo endorsed motherhood. We are more. We deserve more.

—

If you want to hear more about Rebel Mama as it develops, join my newsletter list here.

(This is a guest post by the magnificent Nina Nelson at Shalom Mama.)

“Why can’t you just leave me alone!? I’m trying to work here and everyone is interrupting me!”

That’s what I sound like when I’m throwing a tantrum. I can’t think. I’m distracted. No matter how hard I try, nothing seems to come out of my brain. That’s when I explode at my kids. And sometimes my husband.

When I reach my limit like that, I feel hopeless and angry. I just don’t know what to do with myself to stop feeling that way. The cause? I’m trying to be everything to everyone, tossing my needs to the side in the process.

And I’m done with it.

It’s a new business quarter – a great time to start building new habits. To get rid of the old ones that aren’t working for you and replace them with new, sustainable ones. This year, I’m creating the habit of taking care of myself.

Of course, now I have to identify what my needs are. Crap. It’s one thing to declare my intentions, but quite another to actually do it. Thankfully, you won’t let me put this off.

Ok, here goes. I feel the most rejuvenated with:

Time Outside

I need to get out of my space on a regular basis. Too much time inside drives me crazy. When I’m cooped up too long, I stress about cleaning, laundry and figuring out what to do with the converted garage that has no purpose. I need to be outside, taking in the beauty of nature, feeling the sun on my face.

Solitude

I’m an introvert. While I love hanging out with other people, it drains me. I need to be alone to recharge my batteries. And when I’m with my sweet little family 24 hours a day, I feel like I have nothing left to give. That’s when the bitchy monster comes out to bite everyone’s head off.

People

I need time with my girlfriends, women like Dusti and Megan who get me and listen while I try to process what’s going through my brain. While I need time to myself, I also need a few close friends to kick me in the ass when I start making excuses. Time alone with my husband (bonus when it’s out of the house) also helps me feel like I’m not doing this alone.

Creativity

Creativity is so important to me. I love making something beautiful out of raw materials or putting words on a page. When my needs aren’t being met, writing a short blog post is a long, painful process. I just can’t seem to bring it together.

Well that was easier than I thought. And I feel better just knowing what I need. I’m not stopping there, though. Time to put it into action.

Now it’s your turn. What needs are you pushing to the side? What makes you feel rejuvenated and alive? Figure out what they are (it’s not that hard) and start making your needs a priority.

Nina Nelson is a writer, mama to four, and wife to one. She hangs out at Shalom Mama, helping people approach life intentionally to get to the root of what really matters. She loves reading, snuggling, and giggling at miniature ponies. Connect with her onTwitter and share your story of how you’re living a life of meaning.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. (Lust certainly – but that’s a conversation for another day.)

First impressions are important. But how many people have you met who decide to get hitched after a first date?

It takes time to build a relationship. Connection. Conversation. You have to get to know the person. It’s a give-and-take deal. Loving flexibility.

That’s what a killer email sequence is like.

Let me guess. You’ve got your email list set-up, and you probably even have a sweet ass opt-in.

…But then what?

Branding isn’t just a one-shot deal – and you’re no one-trick pony. It’s not over with your website and an opt-in. Building a relationship over time is crucial if you want your list to start converting.

But HOLY HELL is it hard to keep up with your 754 new best friends.

Wouldn’t it be nice is you had a way to let them know you care – and that they could strike up a conversation with you any time they liked?

Enter the autoresponder – your simple, streamlined way for starting lots of conversations at once without killing yourself. But a great email sequence takes time to craft, especially if you’ve never done it before. You need a great template to get it moving.

Thus, I made you the Art of the Autoresponder.

(Ya like that super sexy graphic? Yeah. Paintbrush. I AM AWESOME. Hey, don’t judge – I’m playing to my strengths. i.e. not graphic design.)

Part brilliant template, Part algebra for writers, Part Mad-Lib, The Art of the Autoresponder is a series of email templates to help you kickstart the conversation by giving them your Fabulous Freebie and following up with a series of ooh-la-la-lovely letters and love notes.

So what’s your email list up to? Do you know who’s on it? Have you started a conversation with them lately? A great email sequence takes time to craft – unless of course you have cheat sheets.

These templates will help you:

• Start a conversation with new subscribers
• Build up to your next product launch
• Get your tribe involved on your site
• Crank up the interaction on social media
• Begin a real, beautiful relationship with your reader
• Collect ultra shiny new testimonials

So what are you waiting for? Strike up a conversation with your email list – and start converting.

You can get The Art of the Autoresponder here for $20.

Twenty dollars. Less than pretty much any date. And the best part? They set you up to start making more money – now. When someone opts in for your newsletter, that’s like them saying yes to another date with you. Don’t disappoint them by not answering their calls – pick up the phone and let them know you’re interested in them.

Why do you want them?

1. These are the templates I use to build autoresponders for myself and clients. And I don’t mean to brag, but I bring in hella high conversion rates. I’m like a click-magnet.

2. I’m infamous for being a great networker, and it branches into everything else I do – that’s why my copy is so engaging. Which is why you’re still reading this.

3. You can use them over and over again. And again. And again. I make at least one of these a week for clients, and this is where I start.

Hope you get loads of use out of them!

XO